• 21Jun

    I’ve always enjoyed Mayan mythology. There is just something compelling about a bunch of stories where the gods are mostly jerks and the humans keep trying to trick them. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail. But it is always interesting.

    A lot of the stories are based around the ball game. It’s a game that has been played for thousands of years, in various incarnations. It was likely a combination of racquetball and volleyball - the goal was to keep the ball in play and bounce it off the walls or through a hoop. The game could be played by individuals or in teams. The ball was made out of rubber and a bunch of them, along with the ball courts themselves, have been discovered by archaeologists over the years.

    This is an example of a ball court, found at the awesome site of Monte Alban.

    This is an example of a ball court, found at the awesome site of Monte Alban.

    The ball itself was heavy solid rubber - it could weight up to 10 pounds (which is about 15 times heavier then a volleyball)- and therefore injuries were definitely common. Also, the players could not use their hands but had to rely mainly on their hips to move the ball around.

    It was a game played by everyone, including children in the streets. But it also had an important ritual element to it and there are a bunch of theories regarding the meaning of the game. For example:

    1) The ball game was a proxy for war: men would fight on the ball court and the gods would choose the winner. No actual battle was needed, the game itself would resolve all differences. This would explain why there is tons of warfare imagery associated with the ball game and also why there are always more ballcourts in places with a lot more diverse cultures (and therefore, more internal strife).

    2) Human sacrifice: Captives or other victims were given a chance to play the game. The losers were decapitated. There are tons of depictions of captives holding balls and a lot of severed heads hanging around.

    3) Life/Fertility: The game is also strongly associated with maize, the symbol for life. The ball game may have been seen as a recreation of creation - the ball is the sun, the sacrifice of the player is the death of the sun. The game is a struggle between light and dark, the world and the underworld, the sunrise and the sunset. In the same way that the giving of blood fed the gods and kept the world going, the ball game maintained cosmic order.

    Etc. etc. There are as many theories are there are Mayan archaeologists. Some are more speculative than others but all point to the ball game as being very important.

    Which brings us to this week’s Sunday Sermon. It’s a continuation of a myth that started with the various creations and destructions of humans. See part one, here. The gods have succeeded in making some humans and they are in the middle of their trial period. The gods haven’t really decided whether to keep them around yet.

    The Hero Twins and the gods of Xibalba

    Hun Hanahpu and Vucub Hunahpu were twin brothers. They did everything together but they were especially fond of games, whether it be throwing dice or playing the ball game. They practiced the ball game so much that they became living legends and even the gods heard about how good they were. They played their games on a special ball court, one that was right on the path to the underworld realm of Xibalba.

    The lords of Xibalba – especially the head gods Hun Came and Vucub Came (aka One Death and Seven Death) started to get really annoyed with all the loud banging and thundering feet above their heads.  In typical god-like fashion, they decided that the twins must die.

    The gods sent four owl messengers up to the surface to challenge the twins to a ball game against the underworld gods themselves. The twins’ mom thought that this was probably a bad idea and tried desperately to convince them not to go. But, being smug athletes, the twins decided to take up the challenge, regardless of the risks. They followed the messenger owls into the underworld.

    It’s not easy to walk to the underworld. The twins had to face a lot of obstacles – rapids that threatened to drown them, thorny spikes that tried to impale them and even a river of blood. But the twins were brave and resourceful and they fought through all the obstacles. Finally, they reached a crossroads where there were four paths of four different colours. Alas, they choose poorly. (Spoiler Alert!) They wandered down the black path, which marks the beginning of their defeat.

    Finally, they arrived in Xibalba. Being courteous, they politely greeted the lords sitting at their thrones but soon discovered that they were only wooden dummies, dressed like the gods of death. The real gods, who were hiding nearby, burst into laughter and made fun of the twins for being so stupid as to be fooled by wood.  Sneering now, the gods invited the twins to sit down on a bench. But it was no ordinary bench! In fact, it was a slab of hot stone, so hot that the second the twins sat down, they burned their butts severely and jumped right back up again. The lords shrieked with laughter at the comedic sight, thoroughly amused by their hapless victims.

    As a final torturous test, the gods gave the twins’ lit cigars and torches. And then they told the twins that not only did the items have to remain lit all night but they also had to be whole the next morning. The twins looked at each other, dumfounded. And sure enough, the next morning, the gods took one look at the burnt remains of the cigars and torches and laughed at their failure.

    Clearly, the twins had failed to gain the gods respect. They could not defeat the gods and were not even worthy of playing the ball game. So the gods sacrificed them and buried them in the underworld ball court.

    As a token of their victory (and to ensure that no one would make loud happy noises near them again), the gods cut of the head of Hun Hanupuh and placed it in a barren tree.

    But the twins were not without magical powers themselves. As soon as the head was placed in the tree, it instantly came to life and bore many large gourds. The head of the twin also became a gourd and the magical tree became renowned throughout the land.

    The lovely maiden Xquic heard about this magic tree and decided to go check it out. She stood in front of it, staring at the gourds and wondered aloud whether she should pick one of the fruits. But then, the head of Hun Hunahpu spoke up.

    “Ummm, no. Don’t do that. It’s actually quite gross really. They aren’t fruit at all but are really skulls. Not yummy at all.

    Instead of being shocked by a talking tree or repulsed that it bore skulls as fruit, Xquic was rather intrigued by this. She reached up to grasp a fruit. Instead, the skull spit on her hand, causing Instant Pregnancy.

    “Crap!” Said Xquic.

    For awhile, she tried to hide her rather embarrassing condition, but her father eventually noticed and demanded to know who the father was. He knew a bit about how the world worked and he knew that there had to be a gentleman caller at some point.    “Nope!” said Xquic. “I have never known a man. Seriously!”

    Needless to say, her father did not believe her and decided to kill her to protect the family honour. He called over some local messenger owls, who took her away to be sacrificed to the gods.

    “Aww.” said Xquic to the owls. “Please don’t do that”. After gazing into the most effective use of puppy eyes in history, the owls gave in and decided not to murder her. But they had to bring her heart to the lords of the underworld as proof of the sacrifice! But they were devious fellows and rather fed up with the gods anyways. Instead of cutting out the girl’s heart, they formed a fake heart out of resin, the blood of trees. When the lords tossed the false heart it into the fire, they are so entranced by the smell of it that they don’t notice the owls scuttling off with Xquic, as they escaped and helped her return to the surface. Therefore, the lords of Xibalba were tricked and defeated by the young pregnant maiden.

    To be continued….

  • 09Jun

    One thing that a lot of people tend to forget is that the past had….people. We get so bogged down on the epic battles, kings and queens, struggles for land, forming of constitutions, etc, that I think we often stop thinking about the individual people involved. Oh sure, we consider a few of them. We know a fair bit about Alexander the Great, King Tut, Rameses, Julius Ceasar…but what about the artisan who build their tables? Or the slave who poured their wine? Or the farmer who grew the crops that fed them all? The vast majority of humanity is lost through time, never to be recovered. But that does not make these people any less fascinating nor any less worthy of study and consideration.

    Normal, average, everyday people are easy to ignore in archaeology. Archaeology is the study of what people left behind – and the rich left behind rather a lot. The rich people of many different cultures simply produced way more traces for us to examine– their large buildings were often made stone, not mud. Their deeds were chiseled into rock, not passed on through family memory. They had power and money and the ability to flaunt it materially– all of which leads to preservation within the archaeological record.  The vast majority of people who did not have power or money lived their lives simply and died, soon forgotten. Archaeology is therefore often the excavation of the lives of the wealthy. I’ve always had problems with this. It gives us a very skewed perception of the past since very few people were wealthy. The vast majority of people who have ever existed have simply been farmers.

    This is not to say that traces of average people do not exist. The more I study history and archaeology, the more I am fascinated at how people are always people. They laughed, they cried, they got drunk and had affairs. They celebrated happy events and mourned their losses with each other. They had petty fights with their neighbors and ate many meals with their friends and families. They got married, had children and sometimes lost them. Their lives may have been different from our lives today, their belief systems may seem strange, but above all, they were human with everything that implies.

    Some of the voices of these forgotten people do get preserved. They may not have a giant mural depicting their epic deeds – but the mason putting the finishing touches to a room may have drawn a bit of graffiti on the wall on his way out, proving that he was there. The carpenter may not have written a book about his great works of art – but he may have bought a tombstone with a short paragraph about his life. A man mourning the death of his wife may have written her a letter, pouring out his heart and emotions. Little snippets like that, allowing us to see into the lives of dead people from the past are some of my favourite things to read.

    Hence, my new project. I am going to call it “Letters from Dead People”. A simple name perhaps, but that is the crux of it. As often I as can, I will post something that someone wrote – a letter, an inscription, a crude drawing, a curse, a memento – something from the past, something from someone who has been dead for hundreds, even thousands of years. It may not be earth-shattering news that shaped history but it’s a voice from the past, often written by someone who is otherwise completely forgotten.

    I recognize that I am mostly limited to literate societies. But that does give me several thousand years to work with and a large variety of civilizations. I think it will be interesting. I want to show the humanity of human history.

    I hope you enjoy it.

    Perhaps, in honour of my atheistic leanings that lead to this blog, I will start off with a funerary inscription by a rather cynical ancient atheist. It comes from an anonymous ancient Roman. The Romans often put their tombstones on the sides of popular roads, up for examination by anyone passing by. It was a last chance for them to say something to the world of the living – to talk about their lives, their deaths, their philosophies. This unknown man chose to make a final statement about his view on the universe. Not cheerful, perhaps, but it is human.

    “Do not walk by this epitaph, traveler, but stop, listen, learn, and then proceed. There is no boat in Hades, no ferryman Charon, no caretaker Aeacus, no dog Cerberus. All those who die become bones and ashes – nothing more. I speak the truth. Go now, traveler, lest even though I am dead, I seem to you long-winded.” CIL 6.17,672.

  • 31May

    Don’t worry, I have not abandoned the blog! I’ve been working hard on a few new stories and I am about to launch a new weekly feature (it will involve a combination of stories, life, ancient languages, graffiti and death). This will be in addition to the Sunday Sermon, so you should be able to reach your “interesting stories from dead people” quota of the week quite easily.

    I do a fair amount of research for each post, so it is taking a bit of time to get them done, but hopefully the wait will be worth it.

    Please stay tuned….

  • 17May

    Ancient Egypt was my first love in terms of archaeology. When I was in grade six, my class was given an assignment. We had to write and perform a short speech on a topic of our choice. Most of the kids in the class chose such illustrious topics as “My Pet Cat” or “My Summer Vacation”. I choose “How to Make an Egyptian Mummy.” With full, graphic details on exactly how brains and other organs were removed from the corpses.

    Since that initial foray into the strange world of ancient Egyptian funerary practices, I have broadened my research and read up on a variety of topics. I took quite a few university level courses on the subject and learned as much as I possibly could. Again, I was drawn to the stories.

    Ancient Egypt lasted a long time. Thousands of years. It went through a lot of ups and downs, unifying, breaking apart, unifying again, being sacked, unifying again, and so on. The civilization as a whole started out in the early 3000’s BCE and ended when Rome kicked their butts and made it a province in 31 BCE. Three millennia is a long time. Just think of what the world was like only 200 years ago. The 1800s. A different world; socially, scientifically, politically. Now think of what sort of changes could occur over a few thousand years. Most people have heard of the Great Pyramids of Giza and of famous pharaohs such as Rameses and Tutankhamen. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that an enormous amount of time passed between them. The Pyramids were ancient history when King Tut was alive, by over a THOUSAND years.

    So, in some ways, it’s hard to say that something is simply from “ancient Egypt” because they were around a heck of a long time and changed a fair bit throughout their history.

    One of the coolest things about ancient Egypt is that we have a pretty decent grasp of their language. The language itself has been around for ages. It is probably the oldest written language in human history and was used for several thousand years, spoken even longer. Hieroglyphs have been quite extensively deciphered and tons of surviving literature has been translated and is quite freely available for our perusal. And there is some good stuff there! Tons of gods, epic heroes, great stories.  I love the fact that I can grab a book, sit down and read entire stories written down by people who lived five thousand years ago. That is so cool.

    This week’s Sunday Sermon is brought to you by the 19th Dynasty, New Kingdom, Ancient Egypt. The original source is the Papyrus D’Orbiney (currently in the British Museum). It’s been dated to about 1225 B.C.E. My secondary source is “The Ancient Near East: An Anthology of Texts and Pictures”, edited by Pritchard. Enjoy.

    Once upon a time, there were two brothers. The elder brother was named Anubis and the younger one was called Bata. Anubis had done pretty well for himself and had a nice house and a nice wife. His younger brother lived with them and helped out as best he could. He made their clothes and drove the cattle in the fields. He also did the plowing, the harvesting, and he worked hard in the fields - all to benefit his elder brother. He was a good man, a good brother and everyone liked him. Even the cows liked him and decided to start speaking to him.

    “Hey! Bata!” The cows said. “The grass over there is way better than the grass over here, take us there instead!” And since Bata understood them, he took them where they wanted to go and the cattle flourished under his care, doubling their calving. Everyone was pretty darn happy with life.

    One day, Bata was seeding the land for the next years crop with his brother when they ran out of seed. Anubis sent his younger brother home to grab some more seed so they could finish the job.

    Bata ran home and found Anubis’ wife sitting around, doing her hair. “Hi there!” Bata said. “Would you mind grabbing some more seed for us in the village? We ran out.”

    The wife looked at him rather scornfully. “Just go to the bin and grab some yourself. Don’t mess with me when I am doing my hair.”

    So Bata went to the stable and took a giant jar and filled it up with seed. He could carry a lot and loaded up on barley and emmer.

    The wife saw him emerge from the stable, holding an enormous amount of grain, muscles bulging spectacularly (also, he was probably shirtless). She was rather impressed by the sight.

    “How much are you carrying on your shoulders?” She asked, scrutinizing him carefully.

    “Umm, three sacks of emmer and two sacks of barley so….five sacks?” He said, as politely as he could.

    “Wow.” Said the wife. “You are pretty strong. I watch you working everyday. You know what? Let’s have sex.” She grabbed him and pulled him closer to her. “Come on! Let’s spend an hour together! You’ll feel great! I will even make some fine clothes for you in exchange.”

    This behaviour shocked Bata and he recoiled from her clutches. He looked down at her, disgusted and yelled out, “You are like a mother to me! You are married to my brother! He is like a father to me! What kind of man do you think I am? Don’t you dare even mention this again. I will not let a single person even know that you once suggested this.”

    He grabbed his bags and stormed off, leaving the wife behind. He returned to his brother and threw himself back into the fieldwork.

    But the wife was now very afraid. And also a bit angry at being so blatantly rejected. So she grabbed some fat (to make herself look bruised and ugly) and some grease (to make her vomit) and planned to tell her husband that his younger brother had beaten her.

    When the older brother came home that evening, he found his wife lying down. She did not offer to wash his hands or light the lamps; she just lay there vomiting. Thinking that this was probably not normal behaviour, the husband went up to her and asked, “To whom have you been talking?”

    “No one!” She replied. “Except for your younger brother.” Somewhat taken aback by this statement, the older brother pressed for more details.

    “Well,” she said, warming to the story. “When he came back to the house today to get some seed, he saw me sitting alone. He ran up to me and totally demanded sex!”

    “Of course,” she added, with a few tears and a cute sniffle, “I rejected him. ‘How could you ask such a thing!’ I said, ‘Aren’t I like your mother to you?’ But he was afraid and beat me up instead and told me not to tell anyone.”

    She looked up craftily at her husband. “So, you totally need to go kill him now. If he lives, I’ll just have to go kill myself. Just make sure that you kill him before letting him speak to you. Because you know he will just tell a bunch of lies and then he will want to come kill me in revenge for speaking!”

    The elder brother was instantly thrust into revenge mode. He sharpened his lance and hid behind the door of the stable, ready to kill his younger brother when he came back to put the cattle away.

    As the sun set, the younger brother loaded everything up and started herding the cattle back to the stable. When the first cow passed through the door, she saw what was going on and mooed back to her herdsman, “Hey! Dude! Your brother is here with a sharp stick and he totally plans on killing you. You might want to run away now.” The next cow went through the door and relayed the same information. The younger brother peered carefully under the door on the stable and saw his brother’s feet through the cracks, clearly waiting there, lance in hand. The younger brother decided that he should probably listen to the cow. So he dropped whatever he was carrying, turned around and started running away. The older brother heard him leave and stormed after him, waving the lance in the air.

    As he ran, the younger brother started praying to the god Ra-Harakhti, saying “Umm, Ra? You know that whole punish the wicked and protect the innocent thing you keep going on about? A little help here?”

    The god agreed that it was a pretty good idea and he made a giant body of water appear between the two brothers. He also added a bunch of crocodiles to it for good measure.

    The elder brother was rather upset by this. He really wanted to just kill his little brother and be done with it.

    “Just wait until dawn!” The younger brother called across the water. “The sun will rise and the god will judge us then! You will see that I am right and that you are wrong. I will never live with you ever again. I’m going to the Valley of the Cedar!”

    The following dawn, the Sun God rose, and both brothers glared at each other. The younger brother called out again. “Why do you want to kill me, without hearing what I have to say? I am your younger brother! You are like a father to me! Your wife is like a mother to me! But, when I went to get the grain yesterday, she came up to me and totally wanted to have sex with me! Don’t you see how she is twisting everything? I didn’t do anything!”

    As he explained exactly what happened, he pulled out a knife and swore to the Sun God, asking him to hear his oath and confirm his honesty.  “My brother!” He cried, holding the knife up high. “You tried to kill me falsely, without even trying to hear my side of the story. You carried your lance against a family member based on the word of a dirty whore. I did nothing wrong!” To confirm his oath to his god, he thrust the knife down and cut off his own penis and threw it into the water, where a fish promptly swallowed it. He became faint and weak.

    His elder brother saw what was happening and fell to his knees, weeping for his little brother, understanding at last. But he could not cross over to him because of the crocodiles.

    The younger brother went on to travel to the Valley of the Cedars and his elder brother went home, smearing himself with dust in grief for his brother and what he had done to him. He reached home, killed his wife and fed her to the dogs. And then he sat at home, quite alone, mourning the loss of his younger brother.

  • 10May

    I apologize for missing out on last week’s Sunday Sermon. I’m just starting out work in the field after a lengthy winter break (one of the positive and negative aspects of having a job that requires the ground to not be frozen in a country where it is, in fact, frozen rather a lot). The first week or so of being back in the field involves a lot of muscles that have spent the last five months sitting idly at a computer suddenly having to learn how to use a shovel again and my downtime is spent sleeping instead of being on the Internet. But I’m back now and regular stories will keep on coming!

    This week’s story is from the Bible. It’s one of my favourites. It has all the great elements of a fun story - fights, curses, vengence through the use of…bears.

    Don’t Mess With the Bald.
    Judeo-Christian Bible. New International Version. Old Testament.
    2 Kings 2: 19-25

    The men of the city said to Elisha: “Hey buddy! Our town is perfect!  Although….come to think of it, our water is crap and the land is not so great either.”

    “Damn, that does kind of suck.” said Elisha, “How about this: bring me a bowl and throw some salt in it!” So they brought him a bowl and added the salt.

    Elisha went out to the spring and threw the salt into the water and said: “There you go! God has healed the water! It won’t kill anyone ever again!” And the water has been good ever since (although, presumably, somewhat salty).

    Then Elisha wandered off to Bethel. As he was walking peacefully along the road, some youths ran up from the town and started making fun of him. They took one look at him and burst out laughing at his strange appearance.

    “Haha! You are bald!” they yelled out. “Hey Baldy! Keep on walking buddy. You got to have hair in our town.” They continued to taunt him about his strange lack of hair.

    This pissed Elisha off.  He turned around, glared in their direction and threw a curse at them in the name of God.

    Two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty two of the youths.

    Elisha kept walking.

  • 06May

    Inspired by Christie Lynn over at Observations of a Nerd, I’ve decided to post a bit about myself and my strange career choice. I always enjoy learning about the person behind the words that I am reading, so here is a bit about my life and my work.

    I am an archaeologist. No, I don’t dig up dinosaurs. I don’t fight Nazis. I have never found any gold. I have not found an ancient lost city today and no, I can’t go dig up your garden for you.

    I spend most of my time wandering through various fields of southern Ontario. I am a contract archaeologist. I don’t work for a museum or a university. I work for an archaeology company that gets hired by construction companies. In Canada, as in many other countries, whenever someone wants to develop any land, they are legally required to get the land checked out for archaeological purposes. Here is where I come in. My crew and I show up, shovels in our hands, steel toe boots on our feet, trowels in our back pockets and we often find…. absolutely nothing. We spend days surveying land - whether walking through it, looking at the ground or digging test units - and, quite often, the land is written off and we go off on our merry way, never to be seen there again. And the land miraculously becomes a new housing development.

    But sometimes, we find things. A lithic scatter - a place where people made stone tools, leaving behind evidence of their work. A village - longhouses and sweatlodges that were once full of people and are now full of artifacts, marking their presence. Historic sites – houses that were built when the European pioneers first settled the land. Sometimes, my job is as simple as picking up an arrowhead directly off the ground and making a note of its location. Other times, I have to dig metres into the ground and accurately draw, to scale, each tiny little deposit layer and figure out their relationships with each other. Each little bit that we find, regardless of how insignificant it seems, is a part of our history. A part of us. I find that endlessly fascinating.

    It is not glamourous work. We don’t use brushes and casually flick off bits of dirt from perfect specimens. Most of our work is done whilst slogging through mud and thick bushes, with a giant shovel and a metal screen. My fingernails are constantly full of dirt. I have large calluses on my hands and feet. I bring spiders into my home on my clothes and virtually everything I own has a layer of dirt covering it. I go home every day physically weary, wanting nothing more than a hot shower and the chance to curl up on my couch with a good book. I inhale bugs regularly (by accident). My back and knees ache nearly constantly. I work under the hot sun all day, in all sorts of weather. I’ve gotten heat stroke several times. I constantly develop mysterious cuts and bruises all over my body and I get insanely uneven farmers tans. And I get laid off every Christmas until the snow finally melts and the ground dries, sometimes four or five months later.

    I love my job. There is just something purely awesome about being out under the sun with a shovel in my hand and dirt under my feet. Even on the most brutally frustrating days – slogging through thick forests, in 40 degree weather, impaling myself on thorns and finding absolutely nothing -  I don’t regret my choice of careers. I love relying on my own strength to do my job. I love grabbing my shovel and breaking through the topsoil, not knowing what I will find beneath it.  I love working on a new site, in a new city, almost every week, sometimes every day. I love finding things that have been unseen for hundreds or even thousands of years.

    And I get more than enough material to have my own cool stories to tell. Like the time I accidentally put a shovel through the skull of a 700 year old two year old baby. Or the time I picked up a point and realized that I am probably the first person to touch this in 10,000 years. Or the time the crazy turkey hunter came out to our site and started telling us about how the government was watching us and that we should not give out our phone numbers. Or the time I had to wear a Haz-Mat suit and breathing mask since the dirt and air were potentially toxic, as I knelt in the trench and attempted to draw the profile. Or the time that my co-worker got cornered by raccoons in a cave. Or the time a deer leaped out in front of our site and stood there, watching us, for several minutes before bounding away. Every day is different. Every day is weird.

    Archaeology gives you random skills that don’t have much use anywhere else yet are fun to possess. I can throw dirt, accurately, into a wheelbarrow ten metres away. I can flip my trowel twice in the air and catch it without impaling myself. I can look at the ground and instantly pick out dirt covered artifacts and reconstruct a site by looking at the scatter of artifacts on a map. I can look at a wall and tell by the brick formation when it was built. I can look at a rock and tell whether it is culturally modified. I actually use Pythagorean Theorum almost every day of my life.

    It’s a weird job, it’s a hard job, it’s a fun job. It’s my life.

  • 01May

    OK, so it’s not law yet, but a new bill is being proposed right now that will allow parents to take their kids out of classes that teach “controversial” subjects like evolution and homosexuality.

    As quoted in the article:

    “The new rules, which would require schools to notify parents in advance of “subject-matter that deals explicitly with religion, sexuality or sexual orientation” is buried in a bill that extends human rights to homosexuals. Parents can ask for their child to be excluded from the discussion.”

    Ok. So why is evolution there? It does not deal explicitly with religion or sexuality. The bill separates evolution from the rest of science as if it was an entirely different subject - fluffy and optional. Not like it is the foundation of biology or anything.

    And what about homosexuality? What is wrong about teaching kids to be tolerant? I rather doubt that educators are telling kids to go home and have gay orgies. It’s just about respecting people for being who they are. Just because a couple of lines in an old book say it’s wrong, that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world should bow to the same ignorance.

    Although I do think parents should have a say in what their kids are being taught, this goes too far. The bill will affect public schools. The government should not be agreeing with the crazy religious people who don’t know a thing about science and just want to pass on their bigotry, unhindered. Evolution is not controversial. Homosexuality should not be controversial. The whole “teach the controversy” is a PR move and the government is just feeding them. It’s ridiculous.

    What if I declare algebra to be against my religion? Would I have the right to take my kid out of math classes?

    Schools should be teaching kids how to think and why they should be tolerant of people who are different from them. Not letting their parents yank them away from reality. Keeping kids in a safe bubble, away from anything that their parents don’t understand, will not solve anything. Kids need to be exposed to ideas that are different from the ones with which they were raised. It’s how we learn how to think.

  • 26Apr

    The Mayan civilization is a pretty awesome group of people who lived in Mesoamerica. For archaeological purposes, the civilization is divided into three main time periods: Pre-classical (2000 BCE – 250 CE), Classical (250 CE – 900 CE) and Post-Classical (900 CE – arrival of the Spanish). The size and influence of the population varied quite a bit over time (at one point reaching the most densely populated civilization on Earth at the time). They were a very influential force for many years, suffered through several rises and collapses, but they always managed to survive and rebuild - up until they got their asses kicked by the Spanish and broke apart indefinitely. Direct descendents of the Maya are still around today, however, and various live languages and cultural traditions are derived from the ones used during the height of the Mayan empire, so they haven’t completely vanished.

    The Maya are particularly known for coming up with advances in art, a complicated writing system, cool architecture, astronomy and, especially, accurate calendars.

    This is an example of a Mayan calendar.

    This is an example of a Mayan calendar.

    I’ve always had a soft spot for Mayan mythology. They just told really cool stories.  It’s not just “poof, everything exists”. There are epic struggles, humans winning contests with gods, humans losing contests with gods, dramtic tournaments, jaguars running about bugging people, cool looking unpronounceable names and feathered serpents everywhere.

    The Maya were never a single, unified people. There were different languages, different calendars and presumably, different stories. Human sacrifice was widely practiced – the gods lived off humans. Bloodletting was also important – self-piercing of the tongue or the penis, to release the blood that feeds the hungry gods. Time was seen as cyclical, not linear. Everything was based off cycles – whether they were talking about things happening on Earth or things happening with the gods. Analyses of these cycles were thought to be important and could be used to predict the future.

    The jaguar, the plant maize, and the ball court (where a very popular game involving a rubber ball and hoops was played) were sacred and were integral to many of their stories. The Maya had various gods but they were often rather vague characters - not really good, not really evil, mostly just hanging about. Often, they were personifications of things like the living cycle of maize and a lot of the gods are not particularly distinct from other gods, almost interchangeable with each other. Instead, a lot of stories focused around specific heroes, who often managed to cheat or fool the gods and win things for humanity.

    This is the first part of a three part series. I will tell the story of the creation of humans. My source is “Aztec & Maya Myths” by Karl Taube.

    At first, there was nothing. Zip. Blank. No animals running around, no trees growing, no crabs walking in the ocean, no insects walking on the ground. There was only the sky and it was empty. The rest was just an endless expanse of water and everything was utterly still and silent.

    Coiled under this water, surrounded by beautiful blue and green shimmering feathers, was the feathered serpent, Gucumatz.

    In the sky, above the water, floated Huracan, who often appears as three forms of lighting.

    Within this still silence, Gucumatx and Huracan became rather bored and started chatting to one another. They talked about the awesome creation of the universe, the first dawn, the making of the people and their food.

    As they talked, their very words caused mountains and earth to suddenly rise from the waters. Trees and forests instantly popped up from the newly formed ground.

    “Sweet!” They said. “That’s totally awesome! But let’s make something to inhabit this kick-ass earth and then they can worship us too!”

    So, the creators made birds, deer, jaguars and serpents – all creatures of the forest and mountains. Grinning at the creatures, knowing what an awesome world they have created for them, the creators sat back and waited to bask in praise for their awesomeness. But the praise didn’t come. The animals didn’t seem to be able to talk. They just squaked or howled and ran about.

    “Dammit!” said Gucumatx to Huracan, “That’s totally not cool. What’s the point of these creatures if they can’t properly speak and worship us?”

    “I know!” said Hurucan. “Let’s try again. We might as well let these things stay and they can become food for people that will worship us.”

    So, for the second time, the creators tried to make some people who would worship them. This time, they modeled them out of clay. But again, they couldn’t talk. The words just didn’t make sense and the bodies were pretty badly made anyways and just kept crumbling apart and dissolving in water. Not good.

    “Screw that!” said the creators. They broke up the clay creatures and tried again.

    Not wanting to fail again, they consulted a couple of diviners, Xpiyacoc and Xmucane. (They were presumably hanging out somewhere nearby, rather quietly). The soothsayers used all their best methods – casting maize grain and red seeds and consulting the sacred calendar. They decided that the humans should be made out of wood. Yes, that would work!

    “Yay!” said the creators. And so they made people out of wood.

    Fail. Although the men were made of wood and the women were made of rushes, it just didn’t work out. They could look and talk and multiply like people, but they were bloodless and expressionless. They just didn’t have souls or any real understanding about the world. And without understanding, they could not properly worship their creators.

    This pissed off the creators, who were rather annoyed by all this work. In anger, they conjured up an enormous flood. Water poured down from the sky and roared through the world. Demons rose up and gouged out the earth and tore apart the wooden people. Even animals and utensils rose up against them. Birds flew at them and their plates and cooking pots and grinding stones and water jars suddenly came to life and attacked them, smashing their expressionless wooden faces.

    The wooden people tried to flee this onslaught but there was nowhere to go. Everywhere they ran, there were things attacking them. Eventually, almost all were killed, except for a couple of them who managed to escape the slaughter. The descendents of these wooden beings are the forest monkeys, left as a sign of this thoughtless creation.

    After the flood subsides and everyone is dead, the earth is once again empty of all humans. But the gods knew that they needed people to sustain them with prayers and offerings. They needed to find some way to get rid of all the demons now hanging out on earth and they had to find a way to make proper humans.

    To be continued…

  • 21Apr

    I recently went online to check out the Canadian Blood Services. I have not given blood before and it is something that I would like to start, but I wanted more information first.

    After a bit of Googling, I ended up on the actual Canadian Blood Services site, a charitable organization that is responsible for a huge amount of blood donations a year. I figured that they would have the most up-to-date scientific information and could answer my questions.

    Instead, one of the first things I see is the sentence: “What does your blood type say about you?”  My heart sinking, I clicked on the link, hoping that it would tell me that my blood types means that I am a human being and that I can donate my blood to others who share that specific blood type.

    Nope.

    Instead, it tells me that:

    So, you’re an A. You already know that having type A blood suggests that you are reliable, a team player and may benefit from a vegetarian diet. Did you also know that anthropologists believe that type A blood originated in Asia or the middle east between 25,000 and 15,000 BC?

    Sigh. Ok, the anthropological data is cool. I am glad that I know that now. It is indeed interesting that different blood types evolved at different times.  At least they acknowledge evolution. But my blood type means that I am a team player? My blood type says that I must be reliable? My blood type indicates that I should be a vegetarian?

    Why is this here? I know that the silly blood typing personality thing is a cross over from a long standing Japanese tradition. I know that it remains popular there and can even impact job opportunities and marriages. But that doesn’t make it right. My blood type merely specifies what specific antigens that I have in my body. That is all.

    I know that it is not a huge deal. But silly things like this do bother me. It’s pandering to ignorance and wishful thinking and has no place within an organization devoted to science.

  • 19Apr

    This week’s Sunday Sermon comes from my own country. Although Canada is not particularly well known for it’s mythology, there have been people living here for at least 12,000 years. The indigenous cultures found here have been orally based  - they told stories but they did not write them down. So a lot of interesting stuff has surely been lost through time. However, there are groups out there that still live in fairly traditional ways and still tell the stories that have been passed down through generations. Whether these stories are accurate representations of similar tales told over the past few thousands of years….I don’t know. Being of a literate culture, it’s hard to imagine how an oral culture works. I watch how a rumour spreads and changes or how memes spread across the Internet and wonder if anything is ever static. But then again, I see how much of our own language, our own stories, are based off the Greeks and Romans from a couple of thousand years ago and the continutity is also fascinating. So, stories are powerful and some are bound to get passed on.

    This story is one that is still told today by the Inuit of the Arctic. Inuit stories are often simply told, with little elaboration, yet they are powerful in concept and are often full of meaning. The stories explain where things come from - the seals, the wind, the dirt or the Earth. The stories explain what happened in the past and what people should do in the present.

    There are many different versions to this particular myth. The names change, the specific details vary quite a bit but the essense of the story stays the same. The myth of Sedna is fairly central within the Inuit belief system, appearing in various different forms across many regions and cultural groups. Sedna has many different names - Nuliajuk (the poor wife), Niviarsiang (the girl), Kavna (she down there), Takanakapsaluk (the terrible one down there) and many others. She personified both the tragedies of life as well as the mysteries of creation. She controlled the sea creatures - and that meant that the people depended on her for survival. She was a powerful spirit. You don’t mess with Sedna.

    Here is one version of her tale. My refrence source is the book “The Inuit Imagination: Arctic Myth and Sculpture” by Harold Seidelman and James Turner.

    Just so you know, a fulmer is a large white bird that hangs out on clifts a lot.

    Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Sedna, who lived with her dad on a quiet shore. Her mom had been dead for ages so it was just the two of them, but they were happy together. Sedna grew up to be quite pretty and was rather proud of it. Soon enough, the local boys were flocking to her, begging for her hand in marriage.

    She looked at them all, smirked, and said “Nah.”

    One spring, just as the ice began to break up, a fulmer came to visit her. He started to sing and his song was beautiful. Sedna couldn’t help but be entranced by him.

    “Come with me!” The fulmer sang. “My place, the land of the birds, is freaking awesome. No one is ever hungry and my house is totally sweet, you’ll love it! You can sleep on soft bearskins! Seriously! My buddies, the other fulmers, will bring you anything you could ever want – you will have plenty of beautiful clothing, oil in your lamp and all the meat you could possibly eat.”

    Sedna was rather impressed by this offer. So she agreed to marry him and set off to join her new husband in the land of the fulmers.

    Shockingly, when they finally arrived at his place, it was not quite as glorious as she had been told. The house was made out of fish skins and was falling apart.  There were holes everywhere, the rain and snow just poured in unabated.  Instead of an awesome bearskin for a bed, Sedna had to sleep on hard crunchy walrus hides and she had to live off rotten fish. Sedna was not happy.

    Sedna was angry at the fulmer for lying to her and was feeling annoyed at herself for being such a sucker. With tears in her eyes, she suddenly sang out “Daddy! Come save me! This place totally sucks!”

    He didn’t hear her. Sedna sulked and grumpily ate some fish.

    A year passed. Sedna was still eating fish. But the weather was getting warmer and her father decided to come and visit his daughter. Sedna launched herself at him, so happy to see him, and pleaded for rescue. She told her father all about the drafty house and the crappy fish and her father was outraged. No one messes with his little girl!

    So, Dad promptly killed the fulmer, grabbed the girl and they took off in his boat. Soon after that, the fulmer’s buddies came home and found their friend dead on the ground. Sad, angry and wanting revenge, they took off after the boat. The massive beating of their wings created an enormous storm beneath them. The waves in the sea were staggeringly high and threatened to overturn the boat at any moment. This scared Sedna’s dad. He didn’t want to die. So he did the only thing he could think of.

    He tossed Sedna overboard.

    Sedna was pretty quick though. She just managed to grab the side of the boat and hung on for her life. Her dad, having already decided on his course of action, grabbed his knife. He chopped off the first joints of her fingers. As soon as the severed fingers hit the water, they transformed into whales, the nails turning into whalebones. Still, Sedna managed to hold on.

    Gritting his teeth, good old Dad chopped at her fingers again, this time severing the second joints. These swam away as seals. Still, Sedna hung on.

    Getting rather annoyed at how long this was taking, Sedna’s father thrust down his knife one more time and chopped off the stumps of her fingers, which became ground seals.

    Meanwhile, the storm subsided because the flock of angry fulmers thought that Sedna was drowned and left to go mourn their old buddy. Dad finally noticed this and graciously allowed Sedna back into the boat.

    However, Sedna was somewhat pissed off at him at this point. She glared at him and plotted bitter revenge.  Soon after they got ashore, she called out to her dogs and sent them to attack her dad. They gnawed off his feet and hands as he slept. When he woke up, he was naturally annoyed at this and cursed the whole mess of the situation and everyone involved – himself, his daughter and the dogs.

    Suddenly, the earth opened up and swallowed them all. Since then, they have lived at the bottom of the sea, where Sedna rules over all sea creatures.